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Monday, May 14, 2012

A Change Is In The Air

Here I sit- stacks of things on my desk staring at me.. taunting me...
My "To do" runs off the page and out the door..
Memory cards are full of photos that need transferred, sorted, processed, uploaded, submitted...

And I am completely without ambition.

I am overwhelmed and exhausted from lots of travel, lots of events, lots of work.  No one ever taught me how to beg for less.

The windshield time I have had lately has allowed me the luxury of thinking about where I am and where I want to be. It's allowed me to size up my life at this moment, along with where I have been and where I am going. It's allowed me to think about living with Multiple Sclerosis and the disabilities that come along with MS.

My recent travels have also afforded me the luxury of discussing this with those whose opinions I value and respect such as my dear friend and blogger mentor Jody over at The Hunter's Wife.

Jody helped me to see that indeed things have gotten to be a bit much, and my "Waaaay Type A"  personality was about to send me over the edge.  Jody helped me look at the periods when my work was at it's best, when I was the happiest and healthiest, and helped me to understand that it's okay NOT to be full tilt, wide open, mega producer of blogs, articles, photos, and content. 

What I do best is wander and roam...... big surprise there.

What I do best is share what I find in the woods, on the water, in the forests and the fields.

Somewhere in the last few years there's been less wandering, more working, and I found myself caught up in trying to be an outdoor media whiz kid.

Time to face the facts - I am only one person. I am only one person with chronic, debilitating illness, and multiple disabilities from that illness. No sense in pretending it isn't so, no sense in driving myself crazy and into even further declining health by trying to keep up with the industry dynamos out there. It doesn't make me happy, it doesn't make  healthy, and I'm simply not going to do it anymore.

I'm going back to my wandering and roaming and cutting back on the amount of travel, projects, and assignments I take on. I'm going back to doing what I do best.

When I looked at my work with a critical, cold, eye, I have to say it's been suffering. Instead of feeling creative  and content I have mostly been feeling pressured to produce. What I 've been producing has not been all that grand.

I've set June 1st as a goal date; Starting then the Wild Woman is returning to her former happy Wild Woman wandering self. I have no need to be a big fish in a big pond. I am quite content to be a carp in a bird bath!

Lest anyone think that I'm giving in to the MS, rolling over and crawling into hole; it's really quite the opposite. I just have to accept my limitations, work with them and realize that ~ sigh~ nope I'll never get the chance to have a career as a trapeze artist.

I hope you all will enjoy the changes ahead and will excuse any absences from  posting and blogging in the next couple of weeks while I tidy up long neglected websites, play catch up with that darned to do list, and get back to doing what works for ME.


  1. The Hunter's Wife ~ JodyMay 14, 2012 at 1:05 PM


  2. I've gone on a bit if a hiatus myself. Don't feel like writing anything. Surprised myself by stopping by here to read you, nothing personal, my brain is too full.

    I think anyone that does anything they think is even remotely creative needs to step back now and then. You're MS probably demands that a bit of you whether you like it or not. I've tried to teach my daughters that it's unnecessary to put your head down and plow forward all the time. Head up, step to the side, then forward. Less stress and strain and you'll probably reach your goal faster.

    I don't make a dime off anything I've ever done, and yet trying to keep up with media demands, self imposed I'm sure, has finally drained me a bit. Like you, I'm out wandering again taking my usual snapshots. Sitting on downed logs in the middle of nowhere just cause I could. Half the time I don't have a goal while out there, being out there is enough.

    Come June I may be over the brain is full hiatus and I'll be looking forward to any new photos and anything you have to say Ms. Gretchen. Good luck with that list though, you could always toss it in the "to be burned" pile.

  3. You will be loved and supported in what ever you do.  You are doing the right thing, in choosing to be happy with your work.  You will have so much heart and soul into each and every thing you touch.  Your life will be back to the slower simpler life it should be.  Giving you more gratitute for life and what it has to offer.  The passion that you will feel by doing this will blow you away.  I am very proud of you!

  4. As your sister and greatest supporter, I feel like you have FINALLY seen the light come on!
    We all know your courage and perserverance is great,and we also know how STUBBORN you are-- so as my sign says "GET OVER IT"