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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My Account is Overdrawn

The guy is moving faster than I today
I'm not talking about my bank account - although it's probably dangerously close to being overdrawn also right now, I'm talking my energy account.

One of the most common and debilitating symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis is fatigue. We're not talking gee I need a nap fatigue, or gosh it's been long day fatigue- we are talking about unable to get up out of bed fatigue.

Some in the MS community have taken to calling it lassitude - but for me that seems too mild. Lassitude conjures up scenes of still glassy water, warn sunshine and just a general feeling of laziness and lolling around drinking tropical drinks and soaking up the sun.

MS fatigue is bone crushing., stuck in layers of mud, unable to sit up or hold your head up fatigue - it goes beyond feeling worn out or tired, and is very difficult to explain or put into words.

I'm a type A person- or as a friend recently told me a WAAAAY  A  person. Some might even be tempted to use the term driven at times.

Consequently the whole "balance rest and activity" part of living with MS often escapes me. I just gut it out, grit my teeth , grab another gear and go. That's great for awhile - then comes the massive crash.
In order to help me get a better handle on it my physician explained it very basic terms. I should consider my  energy and stamina a bank account,  every activity I do withdraws a few dollars or sometimes in my WAAAAY  A personality's case  thousands -

Those  withdrawals need to be followed up with deposits. A nap here - a rest in the recliner there, a day lounging in bed and sleeping at times. If I don't make those deposits back to my account  I'm overdrawn, and if I let it go too long, The account gets closed.

I think I'm hovering at the edge of an account closure today. I know I need to make a deposit, but just like with real bank accounts, the times we most need to be making deposits we have the hardest time scraping up dough to do it.

Same with my energy account. I have deadlines to meet, I have photos to process, I have customers getting a little antsy.

So I check the balance and see how overdrawn I am and try to float a check one more day.

Don't think that's going to work much longer.

I'm basically going to be forced by the mean bank officer that my  body is to make  an effort to get my account stable and healthy and ready for the next round of withdrawals.  I have to make some large deposits today.

Laptop, notebooks, pens, lists,  have already been set up bedside. I'm going to crawl in cool dark room, turn on restful tunes, slide into those clean percale sheets that feel so good, and deposit away.

Have  a great day all! I'll be the one napping in the corner !
Always a restful place to visit

1 comment:

  1. You are WAYYYY type A. If only I had the energy you have on your good days. Wishing you lots of bed rest!