Here I sit- stacks of things on my desk staring at me.. taunting me...
My "To do" runs off the page and out the door..
Memory cards are full of photos that need transferred, sorted, processed, uploaded, submitted...
And I am completely without ambition.
I am overwhelmed and exhausted from lots of travel, lots of events, lots of work. No one ever taught me how to beg for less.
The windshield time I have had lately has allowed me the luxury of thinking about where I am and where I want to be. It's allowed me to size up my life at this moment, along with where I have been and where I am going. It's allowed me to think about living with Multiple Sclerosis and the disabilities that come along with MS.
My recent travels have also afforded me the luxury of discussing this with those whose opinions I value and respect such as my dear friend and blogger mentor Jody over at The Hunter's Wife.
Jody helped me to see that indeed things have gotten to be a bit much, and my "Waaaay Type A" personality was about to send me over the edge. Jody helped me look at the periods when my work was at it's best, when I was the happiest and healthiest, and helped me to understand that it's okay NOT to be full tilt, wide open, mega producer of blogs, articles, photos, and content.
What I do best is wander and roam...... big surprise there.
What I do best is share what I find in the woods, on the water, in the forests and the fields.
Somewhere in the last few years there's been less wandering, more working, and I found myself caught up in trying to be an outdoor media whiz kid.
Time to face the facts - I am only one person. I am only one person with chronic, debilitating illness, and multiple disabilities from that illness. No sense in pretending it isn't so, no sense in driving myself crazy and into even further declining health by trying to keep up with the industry dynamos out there. It doesn't make me happy, it doesn't make healthy, and I'm simply not going to do it anymore.
I'm going back to my wandering and roaming and cutting back on the amount of travel, projects, and assignments I take on. I'm going back to doing what I do best.
When I looked at my work with a critical, cold, eye, I have to say it's been suffering. Instead of feeling creative and content I have mostly been feeling pressured to produce. What I 've been producing has not been all that grand.
I've set June 1st as a goal date; Starting then the Wild Woman is returning to her former happy Wild Woman wandering self. I have no need to be a big fish in a big pond. I am quite content to be a carp in a bird bath!
Lest anyone think that I'm giving in to the MS, rolling over and crawling into hole; it's really quite the opposite. I just have to accept my limitations, work with them and realize that ~ sigh~ nope I'll never get the chance to have a career as a trapeze artist.
I hope you all will enjoy the changes ahead and will excuse any absences from posting and blogging in the next couple of weeks while I tidy up long neglected websites, play catch up with that darned to do list, and get back to doing what works for ME.