I had plans to post about the great outdoors sisterhood - gals day in the woods that I enjoyed so much Sunday with a dear friend and her daughter - but then Monday sort of went up in flames and Tuesday slipped through my fingers and then I had a writing prompt fall in my lap that changed it all this morning.
The writing prompts are little helpers for us out here in the blogging world - often supplied by some great bloggers networks such as Outdoor Bloggers Network and BlogHer. Very helpful for wishy washy pea brains like me. Very helpful when no matter what you just cannot think of one more crazy thing to tell the six or seven people who actually read your blog.
BlogHer introduced me to Just. Be. Enough. - I've mentioned that before here.
Part of all this lack of posting the last week or so is because my brain has been all tied up knots trying to make some life altering decisions. It is October after all - and we're being bombarded with so much damn pink I want to puke. I get it ..I get it.. oh trust me I get it... Breast Cancer is BAD. I AM AWARE - I am so, so , aware right now.
As I explained in a my post Just in Time For October - my post mastectomies reconstruction that was done 12 years ago needs revised. The implants have gone blooey and blown out like a bald tire on hot day. My chest aches, is misshapen, and my whole left arm feels like a lead weight. But - hey they were saline so it's not life threatening - it's just "a little uncomfortable" . A little uncomfortable my ass. Typical medical - speak for hurts like hell.
Tomorrow is the big meet with the surgeon day, and by tomorrow I have to decide - put new ones in or no?
Do I want to have the perkiest 50 year old bust line in three counties or do I want to have a long healthy life?
What if the new ones fail in ten years? Will I be healthy enough to withstand yet another surgery and filleting like a catfish? What if something new and foreign in my body triggers some huge immune system response that causes an MS relapse on top of everything else?
I'm thinking this is a perfect opportunity to "just say no" . My bust line does not define me. It is not who I am. It is not me.
I am enough. I can be enough with out silicone "gummy bears" (who calls an breast implant a gummy bear anyway?) sewn into my chest. Alive and out running the forests and fields, the woods and water with my dogs is enough.
Frankly - anyone who would judge me by my bust line or lack thereof I really don't need in my life nor do I want them.
So at this moment in time - and it's certainly subject to change forty seven more time in the next 24 hours - I'm saying no to slapping gummy bears in my chest and parading around with an absurdly perky bust line for some one my age.
Because without replacing the failed implants I will be healthy- I will be strong enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and enjoying my outdoor pursuits enough.
I will be enough!
~If this too much info, not outdoorsy enough, whatever objection you may have.. take it up with the pink bandits that are shoving breast cancer awareness down our throats at every turn. They've made it impossible for me to keep my mouth shut or forget about all of this.If I could use a shotgun right now I'd have blown my TV and all the damned pink crap to bits twenty minutes into the month of October !~